Fighting

I keep thinking and I stop feeling

I keep feeling and I stop breathing

I keep breathing and I stop living

Because every time I think, I lose myself

in my thoughts, I find myself in deeper and

I realize how stark, dire, dour and lost I am

So I stop feeling

Because every time I start feeling I realize it

always ends up the way I never wanted to start

lost heart

lost mind

lost my words

now I remain speechless in this moment

It remains hard to explain how deserted you end up feeling

an abandoned wasteland of regrets, procrastination and trepidation

So I stop breathing

Because every time I breathe I suffocate in the white

lie, despising eyes and judging gazes that defy me

and tell me to bring it on or die, or go lie

back down again in defeat

And I think if I give up

So I stop living

So I never back down because in my loneliness,

In my desertedness I still

manage to fight

I still stand strong, I grow, I learn and change

and I become new

and through it all I can still say

he keeps me living, breathing, thinking, fighting and feeling.

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